The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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