I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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