We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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