So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
