She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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