That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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