The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
