im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
