she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize