Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
