i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
