i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
