Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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