official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
