u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
