so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
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He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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