arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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