You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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