normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
