just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
