i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
