come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
