Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
