I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
