And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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