You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
