Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
