the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
