pop tarts are not kleenex
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
