its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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