If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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