I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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