I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
