Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
