Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
