Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
