I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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