Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
