He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
