ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it hurts more in the daytime
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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