I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
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did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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