so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
