I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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