I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
