so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
