Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
