So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's blow job season.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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