you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
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him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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