the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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