I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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