I must be too annoying 4 u.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
