Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
