All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
