He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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