so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
