I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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