He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
