...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
