I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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