I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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