she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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