i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
