So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
