He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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