I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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